Vibing With Beautiful Women

RSD Newsletter -
Vibing With Beautiful Women - October 13, 2005

That topic is VIBING with beautiful women.

I get letters ALL THE TIME asking me to elaborate on this
subject, as it is widely misunderstood. So with that in mind, I
thought I'd do just that.

What is vibing? Well, it has several different definitions. Some
call it "fluff talk," and consider it to be no better than
filler between canned routines.

Well, there is that aspect to it, and we'll discuss that at
length. But there is a deeper, more ephemeral meaning to it as
well.

It is a well-documented fact that verbal communication comprises
only a small fraction of your communication as a whole. In
reality, we communicate mostly through non-verbal means, the so-
called "channels of subcommunication." Vibing, while having a
verbal component to it, also subcommunicates many different
things.

A large part of social intelligence is the ability to speak in
this "vibe subcommunication." And the only way to improve this
intelligence and understanding is through massive repetition
of social interaction.

This is why we always say THE FIELD IS KING.

People without field experience frequently miscalibrate the vibes
they are sending out. A lot of times, guys will go miscalibrate
their sexual vibe, and consequently come across as "creepy" or
"weird."

These are the guys who will start touching the girl too much and
too early, or too little and too late, and the pickup ends up
going nowhere. But as they gain field experience, they begin to
get a better understanding of the correct way to synchronize
with the vibe.

Sometimes, even guys with field experience can find it difficult
to catch the vibe and sync up with it. They will refer to this
as "having an off night" or "stalling out" where they can't think
of anything to say.

Typically, this is caused by filters of insecurity in the guy's
head, that have been installed over the years as defense
mechanisms against ego bruising.

I've talked about these before. Some examples of filters of
insecurity: self-monitoring, not existing in the present moment,
a need to impress others, paranoia, etc.

If these things aren't shut off, it becomes nearly impossible to
vibe dynamically in set. The entire pickup will seem stilted
and awkward.

As I said, even more experienced guys can succumb to these from
time to time. After all, these filters result from YEARS and
YEARS of negative societal conditioning, and they can't be
expected to go quietly into the night just because you've got
a few sets under your belt.

Fortunately, there are ways to defend against them.

Humor is a great way to shake off those filters and start living
in the moment. Joking around with your bros in the club, just
generally clowning around and having a good time, is almost
guaranteed to change your state.

Another tactic I use is the "warmup set." Like, when I first
enter the club, I'll approach several sets of girls I couldn't
care less about sleeping with. This helps me get into a talkative
mood where I'm more externally centered, and as such able to
pick up on the vibe better.

Now that we've discussed the more esoteric aspects of vibing,
let's get down to brass tacks and examine some of the
technical nuts and bolts.

As I said above, many guys have a problem vibing because they
simply "run out of things to say." This is caused by, again, a
lack of experience, or in some cases, an over-reliance on
routines and canned material.

A couple points to remember: Don't talk about any one thing too
long, and try to smoothly segue from one topic to the next.
Understand that the whole "vibing" process is largely one of
topic association.

One thing that will help you out is to go and challenge yourself
in any conversation to find either a story or interesting bit of
information about the topic at hand.

A great exercise is to playthe association game, where I'd say
the word "elephant" and you'd have to come up with a story that
relates to this.

Now, you could be thinking, "there's nothing that relates to
elephants." My friend, that's a limiting belief if I've ever
heard one. Let's see off the top of my head, there's "elephant,
ivory, Africa, hunting, tusks, zoos, and big wild animals."

Now, if you can't think of anything to say relating to these
topics, then you need to work on your creative capabilities.
That's one reason why people like aritists, musicians, writers
and actors are so good at the game because they have wildly
creative minds. They can talk about things for hours - you must
understand that women love men with something to say.

Anyway, as you converse with the girl, be aware of all the
potential topics you could spin off, and try to be aware of the
ones that will serve your needs best, i.e. the ones that will
direct the conversation towards themes of sexuality, connection,
etc.

Another crucial aspect of vibing is that of TIMING.

Some comment that might be incredibly powerful or hilarious at
one point might be totally worthless even five seconds later.

Sometimes, guys will latch onto some topic the girl is discussing
because he has a great remark, and then they'll basically stop
listening to what the girl's saying, because he's just waiting
for a break in the convo so he can unleash his little witticism.

You have to understand that a spontaneous, relevant comment will
always be more powerful than a great comment that's past it's
shelf life. One big breakthrough for me was learning that, if
I had some great comment and the person kept talking and moved
on to a different subject, it was best to just let it go.

This can be hard, especially when you have a KILLER comment. But
it must be done if you want to keep in sync with the vibe.
Otherwise, you end up looking try-hard and low value.

Use your vibing skills wisely. Always consciously steer the
conversation away from negative topics like war, or politics,
or your grandmother's anal warts, and towards the themes I
mentioned before that will put the girl into the state you want
her to be in.

Remember, vibing is your most potent weapon in your arsenal of
conversational skills. Take pains to develop it through diligent
fieldwork, and you will reap the benefits. It will take some
time.

I need to pick Juggler and this newsletter to figure out my VIBE..

Pick Up Frames: What's your mindset?

An interesting post on what mindsets we have when we go out and sarge..

Pick Up Frames

Contributed by setarcos
Saturday, 27 August 2005
Written by Cramias
Monday, 31 January 2005

I gave a long presentation on the concept of frames and how they affect you as you progress up the learning curve at the last Tucson lair meeting. I got a few PMs that this was a useful thing for people, so I am posting a general outline of what I talked about. I don't have a great deal of time so this is not very well organized. If parts of this post are confusing, just point them out and I will attempt to clarify. I'd also be interested in hearing anyone's thoughts or feedback about this stuff, even if it is on the negative side.

Background-Around April of this year, I hit a "wall" of sorts and stopped going out entirely for 3-4 weeks. Prior to this, I was out in the field frequently, and was breaking through barriers that had kept me stuck for years. So this was an extremely frustrating obstacle to run into. One day I took the time to analyze why I had stopped, and break down in my journal what the difference was between the times I was rocking with the PUA material, and the times when I was experiencing a lot of frustration and deadends. What emerged from this was a delineation of different seduction frames. Since I started thinking along these lines, I have found it much easier to keep myself motivated, and spring back quickly from setbacks. I have made an absolutely unbelievable amount of progress in the last 3 months, and I attribute it partially to my understanding of frames.

Framing is not a new concept, of course. However, most of what has been written about frames with regards to seduction revolves around the frames you set with the girl you are interacting with. What I am referring to in this specific post is the frame you set between you and the science of seduction. The attitude and approach you take towards learning the Venusian Arts. It makes things massively easier and FASTER if you take a useful frame towards seduction, and more importantly, avoid "trap frames." What I've found is that when I've had an off night, I can almost always boil it down into having fallen into one of the trap frames. Even more usefully, when I am having an off night, I can sometimes take a few minutes to figure out which unuseful frame I've fallen into, and often reset from the trap frame to the right frame in the field. It is a very helpful tool in my experience.

So following are the notes that I used to make my presentation to the lair. I don't claim to be any sort of expert, this is just stuff that I've noticed within my own field experience, and that I find useful in dealing with my own inner game issues. The trap frames come first, followed at the end by what I believe to be the most useful frame.RESULTS FRAME
"I'm going to go out and get 5 numbers/make out with a girl/get laid tonight."

Leads to skipping skill building steps (ie, so focused on getting a kiss that you fail to lay proper groundwork that will actually lead to a kiss, and instead creep a girl out by phaseshifting too soon)
Leads to inflexibility (what happens if you go out with a goal of getting phone numbers, and meet a girl who wants a fuck that night?)
Count yourself out of opportunities for practice, that might even lead to something worthwhile (ie "she's a bitch" "she's too ugly" "she's with that guy, its her BF")
If you have a basic, low-percentage skillset, say PUing girls from the dancefloor, you may fall into the trap of just reusing it over and over (because it does get SOME results, and you are focused on results), instead of taking the time to develop a more complex and ultimately more complete skillset
Can be extremely frustrating and demoralizing if you are setting goals that are unrealistic given your current skills


FUN FRAME
"I'm going to go out and have fun, and maybe something will happen" -Very common AFC frame for going to bars, because it is socially acceptable and requires no thought

Noniniative, require the girls or circumstance to make things happen
Gives the selection power to the girls
Ultimately spend majority of time talking to your social circle friends and on "death row" (death row = look around typical bar, and you will see many males standing around with their drinks in the defensive position. All of these guys are thinking "maybe if I stand here long enough, something will happen.")
Usually I drink too much when I find myself falling into this frame
If you want results, you MUST make things happen
This is a chick frame, and one that there is a lot of social programming for men to accept (ie just be yourself). Men are expected to initiate, so girls can pull this frame off. It doesn't work for guys.


EXTERNAL VALIDATION FRAME
"If other people think I am a PUA, then I am a PUA."

Basically, it is looking to gain other's validation for your skills, rather than measuring your skills by the responses and results you get, and by the progress you make through your sticking points.
Leads to being bold instead of confident (can say something really bold and it will impress a guy, but won't get you shit for results with the girl)
Also, can lead to not following through on prospects after the first night
How to tell if you are falling into this frame: find yourself qualifying yourself to wings, if you do approaches because the set is in front of others, if you get off on AFCs complimenting your PU skills or get nervous when you are around a PUA who you perceive as more skilled than you, if you use the phrases "I'm tired, this bar sucks, I never do well at X-Bar, I'm drunk, I'm not on tonight, I'm not feeling it tonight"


SELF-VALIDATION FRAME
"I'm good at this"

Ego Protection mechanism.
Once you've reached a certain level of competence, you will most likely have an image of yourself as being good with women. This is useful for generating confidence, but it can also lead to a rather subtle trap.
I find that when I am feeling really arrogant and confident about my skills, I will often go out and do VERY FEW approaches. This baffled me when I first ran into it. Eventually, I figured out that the self-image I had was over-important to me, and I was concerned about putting that image on the line and possibly having a set that destroyed that image (and destroyed my confidence by proxy)
This is also the frame that keeps people stuck in keyboard jockey-dom. They read all this brilliant shit online, and say "now that I know all of this, I will do amazingly well with girls." Then they get out in the field and are unwilling to try anything cause they don't want to jeapordize their new self-image.
This is also the frame that leads to SPs-getting stuck at the same point in your game over and over. Relate to self-current biggest SP is kino. I've realized that I keep getting stuck here because I hate the idea of destroying attraction/creeping a girl out because my kino skills are not yet smooth. I have good verbal skills, and it feels validating that I can generate attraction so quickly (especially given my background of scarcity/poverty with women). I am reluctant to give up the validation that I am getting by rolling out a new skillset that is not polished yet.
Easiest way out of this frame is to realize that 1-You have to be bad before you can be good (videogame metaphor), and 2-Confidence really comes from the belief that you are DESERVING of the PUA lifestyle, even if your skills are not yet that polished. Even a flawed diamond is a precious thing. Eradicate the competence = confidence meme from your head.


SAFETY FRAME
"I'll try this stuff, but I'm only going to do techniques that feel 'safe' to me."

Failure to expand comfort zone
Leads to different behaviors depending on your skill level- Only doing social circle sarging; only doing "normal" approaches like "Hi how are you?"; Using the AFC Questions Routine (what do you do, where you from, etc) to try to make the girl do the work for you; not doing approaches in front of people you know or old sets; Only approaching Bs or UGs; not doing kino, feeling that you NEED a wing with you; avoiding the hi-stimulus venues in favor of smaller places; ejecting too early; Approaching only all-female sets; not doing the AMOG material
A larger pattern I've seen is that a lot of people, when they first start this stuff, will say that they are looking for techniques/routines/etc that "fit their style." The problem with this approach to seduction is that transformation and a change of identity is essentially the core of becoming a PUA. If you are not willing to experiment with unfamiliar styles, then you will see only incremental changes in your results rather than dramatic ones.
Reframe: When I read some technique that sound like it won't work, I get EXCITED. Because if the person who posted it is a good PUA, it generally means that they are operating on some level of awareness that is not yet on my radar. And I know that if I go out and try the technique (and give it a fair shake, not just do it once or twice and give up), I am very likely to reach some new level of understanding myself.


THE RIGHT FRAME

The right frame for me is the **LEARNING FRAME**
Focus on building your skillset...results will come as a byproduct of this mindset
Focus on getting outside of your comfort zone and learning NEW skills. What have you never tried to do? Go do it.
Have a willingness to experiment with things that sound a bit off. Realize that with each new skill, there will be a period of adjustment in which the results you get will be all over the map. Your game has to be sloppy before it can be tight.
Allows you to not attach much importance to any one outcome. A byproduct of this is that the process becomes REALLY fun. Its hard to get frustrated when you don't really care what happens, as long as you are trying.
This mindset completely eliminates the existence of failure. If your goal is to range one specific routine (for example), then as long as you have deployed the routine, you have succeeded, regardless of the response. You should still be paying attention to the response though. With the learning frame, every "rejection" is automatically reframed as a rejection of your use of your skillset in this particular instance, NOT a rejection of you as a person. The only way to fail is to not try.
One caveat. If you are correctly using the learning frame, you should be trying your level best with every single set. If you are giving less than 100% effort in a set, the feedback you get is going to be inaccurate. You will be unable to judge whether the poor response was due to an integral flaw in the techniques you were using, or due to the way you used them. If you are going to use the learning frame, you have to commit to putting forth your best possible effort every time.

Is it possible to have a better mindset more TUNED to You..personally than the mindsets that other people go out with.. your friends, wings and other PU gurus.

What To Do When She LIKES You... How To Not Screw Up

David D on "What To Do When She LIKES You... How To Not Screw Up"

***QUESTION FROM A READER***

Dave,

I've become a very generous guy lately. To all my male friends, I'm giving them the gift of your newsletter. To all my females, I'm giving the gift of missing me.

I'm a recovering wuss. I took a few months off of women and worked on my inner game, with great results. I've started talking to new women again, along with old girlfriends. I find that when the c/f (Cocky & Funny) starts rolling, or even just my newfound confidence, I often get a lot of compliments. What's the best way to deal with a girl coming out and saying "oh, you're so cute/funny/etc..."? Should I ignore it and keep the c/f going? Should I address it in a cocky way? I'm assuming that graciously accepting the compliment is never the right answer...

What would you say to a girl who compliments you directly? (other than "Do you do third input?") What would your tone/body language/eye contact be like?

-J.M.
>From new hampshire, where men are men, women are few, and sheep are nervous.

David D. >>>MY COMMENTS:

You know, this really is a great question.

One of the most important things to understand as a man is what to do when things are WORKING... so you don't SCREW IT UP!

If you use the materials that you're learning from me, you will start to have a magical thing happen more and more often... women will start to do and say things that clearly indicate that they LIKE you.

Sometimes is will be a touch, sometimes a compliment, and sometimes a smile. But these things WILL happen more and more as you get better and better.

I always laugh to myself when I bust a woman's chops really hard, and she laughs and says "You're so funny!" or "You really are good!" etc.

I still shake my head and wonder why the hell it took me so long to figure this stuff out. But I digress... you know, while I'm digressing, what's with you ending your email with:

">From new hampshire, where men are men, women are few, and sheep are nervous."

...?!

This is probably the third or fourth time that I've seen this at the end of an email. Tell me the truth... do chicks dig this? You're making me nervous, man. Keep the sheep talk on the DL, OK?

Uncool.

Now, when a woman does something that signals "I like you", it is VITALLY important that you:
1) Know how to recognize it
2) DON'T do what MOST guy do
3) DO the right thing, and AMPLIFY it

So how can you tell if a woman is doing something that says "I like you"? Well, it's VERY important to remember that women are far more "subtle" than men (most of the time, that is). If a man is interested in a woman, you can see it all over his face. It's usually very obvious.

But women are different. Women do SMALL things. A little touch. A sly smile. Sometimes a comment like "You're so cute" (as in your example above).

But then IT'S GONE.

Women always seem to act like they're not quite sure. They don't send consistent signals that most men can "read". And when they DO send signals that are easy to see, most guys respond in a way that makes those signals stop... which makes things even MORE confusing. Again, women aren't as CONSISTENT as men. A woman can seem like she's interested one minute, then stand-offish the next.

So rule #1 is:

JUST BECAUSE SHE'S DOING SOMETHING THAT SAYS "I LIKE YOU", DON'T THINK THAT IT MEANS "I LIKE YOU NO MATTER WHAT".

Much better to interpret subtle "I like you" cues as "I like you for a second, but if you start acting like a Wuss Bag or Dumb Ass, it will all be over in an instant".

Unfortunately for most guys, they take "I like you" signals to mean "You've won my approval, now you can do whatever you want". And what do they do? Of course... They turn into dorks, say or do a few stupid things, and destroy it all. Oh, how many times I've watched guys (myself included) screw up perfectly good situations because they just didn't get this concept.

Let me give you an example.

Let's say that you're out with a woman, and you've been teasing her, and she smiles and says "I like you". A typical "male" response is for a guy to think to himself "OK, I'm in... she digs me" and to get that rush in the head and chest. Next thing you know, he's acting different. He's talking about different things. He's giving compliments.

He's being "nicer".

And what's the woman thinking while this is all going on? Of course... she's thinking "Uh oh, his cool, calm, interesting personality was just a cover for the secret inner-Wuss that was hiding out, waiting for a little bit of approval from me... AHHHHHH!"

Women KNOW that they're in control of the situation. Or at least MOST of the time they are... and they THINK that they are even during the times when they're not. They're constantly using different kinds of communication to test and "feel out" the situation. Remember, MOST of the time when you're saying something that you think is nice, charming, and original, it's something that a woman has heard about 47 times that week from other guys.

Us guys act VERY predictably most of the time.

And women know how to tell if you're just another loser who's pretending to be cool... who will turn into an average Wuss at the first sign of attraction from a cute woman.

Think about what I just said.

This is hard for a lot of guys to swallow... but it's the reality of the situation. There's something that women call "Sexual Tension". It's also known as "Chemistry" or "Attraction" as well. But only WOMEN know it this way. When you tease a woman, make her laugh, play hard to get with her, act unpredictably, etc. in the right way, you will create this tension. This is what usually leads to a woman saying something like "You're cute" or "I like you".

It's the TENSION that makes her FEEL it and SAY it.

THE TENSION!

In these very special moments, you need to turn the tension UP. Dial it up. AMPLIFY it. Don't diffuse it all by saying "You're cute yourself" or "I like you, too". Or by smiling like a jackass wussy dork who has just seen his first rainbow. This kind of thing RELEASES the tension, and it usually takes that wonderful electric attraction feeling that the woman is feeling and INSTANTLY kills it.

Does this make logical sense?

Hell no.

But it's what happens.

OK, so let's talk about the RIGHT way to handle this type of situation. Remember when I said that it's the TENSION that makes a woman feel the feelings and make the comments? And that you need to AMPLIFY it when you're getting a positive response?

Nice.

Once upon a time, there was a scene in a movie that illustrated this concept PERFECTLY. In fact, it might be the all-time greatest example of this principle that has ever been recorded on film. Remember the end of "The Empire Strikes Back" when they were about to put Han Solo into the deep freeze?

Remember when Leia said "I love you"...?

Remember what Han said?

Right, he said... "I know".

Perfect.

All of the sexual tension that built up in Star Wars and Empire culminated in Leia confessing her love. And Han says "I know".

Awesome!

Imagine being Leia. What could be going through her mind at this point? An answer like this isn't easy to understand. It has all kinds of implications.

It's confusing.

It says "I know you love me, because it's been obvious for a long time...". But it doesn't let HER know how he feels exactly. It requires consideration. It dials up the tension. It's amazing. By the way, I read that when they were filming that scene Han was supposed to answer "I love you too", but the director didn't like it. They tried all kinds of things, and in the end Harrison Ford made up that line on the spot in one of the takes... and they kept it. Nice. By the way, one of the BIG reasons why the newer movies in the Star Wars series suck is because there is no
character like Han... think about it. It's all boring, predictable stuff. There's no sexy, arrogant, funny, wildcard personality messing things up.

Like I pointed out after I saw "Attack Of The Clones", Anakin had to kill an ENTIRE VILLAGE of Sand People just to convince Princess A. that he wasn't a complete and total Wuss. Would have been so much easier and more entertaining if he would have just had a PERSONALITY.

Whatever.

Now where was I...?

Oh, yea... amplifying the sexual tension...

If you're out with a woman, and you tease her because she's wearing four inch heels by saying "What's the deal, are you four feet tall without those one?", and she opens her mouth with the classic "Oh no you didn't" look (smiling of course, with that surprised smile)... and you dial it up to the next level with "Oh, I'm sorry... Four foot three?"... and she hits you on the arm...

...and then she stops, puts her hand on your arm, and says "You know, you're funny"...

...what do you do?

YOU SAY "YEA, I KNOW" – in a serious tone.

Or "Don't try to use compliments to make me like you. It won't work. Go buy me a drink or something... I prefer gifts and money." Or look down at her hand on your arm, lean back slightly, turn your head, and put your eyebrows together as if to say "Just WHAT do you think you're doing touching me?!".

TURN IT UP, my friend!

You TURN UP the tension.

AMPLIFY it.

Keep it going.

If you keep amplifying the tension and attraction at each of these wonderful moments, good things will happen.

Good stuff.

Hmm.. so lets see what we learn from this one?

Laws of Attraction and Energy play

A brief note about Wazzup and how his 'change in energy' and 'vibe' had caused others to change their perspectives towards him. Quite interesting.

Laws of Attraction and Energy play

Guys!!

Last couple of weeks have been so funny for me. Let me start from my # collection binge then deciding that I do not want to continue this lifestyle and thinking about marriage.

This was sometime back and I had a chat with Bods as well about this. Now, what I am going to say might come of as fiction to some of you guys ... believe you me ... I would have thought the same if It wasn't happening with me.

Since, I have thought of settling down I have been getting subtle overtures from women about marriage with them but last week it completely went wild on email/in person/on phone. I was proposed marriage by number of women varying in age from 22 yrs to 28 yrs. I just thought I might share this with you guys.

Hey Bods .... this only goes to prove all the theories I had been talking to you about in energy felid and human mind ... I know from my meditative experience that I have been able to create my reality around me with lot of actual physical action and not day dreaming. This latest one is only a proof for me of my own abilities. In my observation all of us have such massive potential to make our own life more beautiful.

XMLE ... this is exactly what I told you when we had a chat (i.e. when I was in Hawaii) now you are only reaping the benefits of the new way of thinking. MIND ... has limit less potential, only needs fine-tuning and creativity. Our ancient scholars knew this but modern science only contradicts that.

Hence, as a philosophy I combine best of the two. My rant here is not about PU per-se but our own potential, which we do not recognize and use, in real life. We go thru the same rut without thinking and questioning our own action as to the reason of that thinking and action.

I will stop here as this will go into a massive tailspin, which is not for this board.

Have fun,
Wazzup

Maybe I need to start learning meditation..