Vibing With Beautiful Women

RSD Newsletter -
Vibing With Beautiful Women - October 13, 2005

That topic is VIBING with beautiful women.

I get letters ALL THE TIME asking me to elaborate on this
subject, as it is widely misunderstood. So with that in mind, I
thought I'd do just that.

What is vibing? Well, it has several different definitions. Some
call it "fluff talk," and consider it to be no better than
filler between canned routines.

Well, there is that aspect to it, and we'll discuss that at
length. But there is a deeper, more ephemeral meaning to it as
well.

It is a well-documented fact that verbal communication comprises
only a small fraction of your communication as a whole. In
reality, we communicate mostly through non-verbal means, the so-
called "channels of subcommunication." Vibing, while having a
verbal component to it, also subcommunicates many different
things.

A large part of social intelligence is the ability to speak in
this "vibe subcommunication." And the only way to improve this
intelligence and understanding is through massive repetition
of social interaction.

This is why we always say THE FIELD IS KING.

People without field experience frequently miscalibrate the vibes
they are sending out. A lot of times, guys will go miscalibrate
their sexual vibe, and consequently come across as "creepy" or
"weird."

These are the guys who will start touching the girl too much and
too early, or too little and too late, and the pickup ends up
going nowhere. But as they gain field experience, they begin to
get a better understanding of the correct way to synchronize
with the vibe.

Sometimes, even guys with field experience can find it difficult
to catch the vibe and sync up with it. They will refer to this
as "having an off night" or "stalling out" where they can't think
of anything to say.

Typically, this is caused by filters of insecurity in the guy's
head, that have been installed over the years as defense
mechanisms against ego bruising.

I've talked about these before. Some examples of filters of
insecurity: self-monitoring, not existing in the present moment,
a need to impress others, paranoia, etc.

If these things aren't shut off, it becomes nearly impossible to
vibe dynamically in set. The entire pickup will seem stilted
and awkward.

As I said, even more experienced guys can succumb to these from
time to time. After all, these filters result from YEARS and
YEARS of negative societal conditioning, and they can't be
expected to go quietly into the night just because you've got
a few sets under your belt.

Fortunately, there are ways to defend against them.

Humor is a great way to shake off those filters and start living
in the moment. Joking around with your bros in the club, just
generally clowning around and having a good time, is almost
guaranteed to change your state.

Another tactic I use is the "warmup set." Like, when I first
enter the club, I'll approach several sets of girls I couldn't
care less about sleeping with. This helps me get into a talkative
mood where I'm more externally centered, and as such able to
pick up on the vibe better.

Now that we've discussed the more esoteric aspects of vibing,
let's get down to brass tacks and examine some of the
technical nuts and bolts.

As I said above, many guys have a problem vibing because they
simply "run out of things to say." This is caused by, again, a
lack of experience, or in some cases, an over-reliance on
routines and canned material.

A couple points to remember: Don't talk about any one thing too
long, and try to smoothly segue from one topic to the next.
Understand that the whole "vibing" process is largely one of
topic association.

One thing that will help you out is to go and challenge yourself
in any conversation to find either a story or interesting bit of
information about the topic at hand.

A great exercise is to playthe association game, where I'd say
the word "elephant" and you'd have to come up with a story that
relates to this.

Now, you could be thinking, "there's nothing that relates to
elephants." My friend, that's a limiting belief if I've ever
heard one. Let's see off the top of my head, there's "elephant,
ivory, Africa, hunting, tusks, zoos, and big wild animals."

Now, if you can't think of anything to say relating to these
topics, then you need to work on your creative capabilities.
That's one reason why people like aritists, musicians, writers
and actors are so good at the game because they have wildly
creative minds. They can talk about things for hours - you must
understand that women love men with something to say.

Anyway, as you converse with the girl, be aware of all the
potential topics you could spin off, and try to be aware of the
ones that will serve your needs best, i.e. the ones that will
direct the conversation towards themes of sexuality, connection,
etc.

Another crucial aspect of vibing is that of TIMING.

Some comment that might be incredibly powerful or hilarious at
one point might be totally worthless even five seconds later.

Sometimes, guys will latch onto some topic the girl is discussing
because he has a great remark, and then they'll basically stop
listening to what the girl's saying, because he's just waiting
for a break in the convo so he can unleash his little witticism.

You have to understand that a spontaneous, relevant comment will
always be more powerful than a great comment that's past it's
shelf life. One big breakthrough for me was learning that, if
I had some great comment and the person kept talking and moved
on to a different subject, it was best to just let it go.

This can be hard, especially when you have a KILLER comment. But
it must be done if you want to keep in sync with the vibe.
Otherwise, you end up looking try-hard and low value.

Use your vibing skills wisely. Always consciously steer the
conversation away from negative topics like war, or politics,
or your grandmother's anal warts, and towards the themes I
mentioned before that will put the girl into the state you want
her to be in.

Remember, vibing is your most potent weapon in your arsenal of
conversational skills. Take pains to develop it through diligent
fieldwork, and you will reap the benefits. It will take some
time.

I need to pick Juggler and this newsletter to figure out my VIBE..