Approval Seeking & Validation Seeking

2 articles on Validation Seeking / Approval Seeking

Here's one from MASF by FunkyVader

Subject: The Seven Sins of Validation Seeking

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When I started out on this endeavor I was overwhelmed by all the new acronyms; hundreds of new techniques, methods and social dynamics that I had never heard about or had barely scratched the surface of.

One such expression was Validation Seeking, but I never really understood what it was about, for me this was just one of a hundred new things, not more important than the others.

Instead of looking into this seemingly abstract and wholly expression I focused on the obvious stuff, like peacocking and openers, things that are easy to understand. Of course, it cannot be expected of a beginner to learn everything straight away, you have to start somewhere and most people will start with the obvious improvements.

After putting much of the basic stuff behind me, the destruction of Validation Seeking Patterns has become my new mantra. It has become a focal point of my studies and is fast becoming the most interesting and important field regarding my personal development.

The exact meaning of Validation Seeking is in no way obvious, it’s an expression that few people are deeply familiar with and it’s not a term that is commonly used, at least not in my native language.

Reaction Seeking and Attention Seeking are closely related but not really covering because reaction and attention are words that are immediately associated with physical actions, these expressions are more like subsets of Validation Seeking.

The best way to understand Validation Seeking is to study the ways in which it is manifested, that is why I have created the seven sins. These sins are not only related to Validation Seeking, committing these sins may have many other reasons, that is important to keep in mind, but in many cases they will be closely tied up with underlying Validation Seeking Patterns.

Validation Seeking Patterns can be very hard to spot. One reason is, as I already mentioned, that validation seeking is generally poorly understood, another reason is that many patterns are so common that they are regarded mainstream or “normal”. The patterns are also hard to destroy simply because many of them become very strong habits.

However, it IS possible to destroy the patterns but first we have to understand what they look like and how they can be detected. On to the seven cardinal sins:


1 Lying

This pattern is very obvious and I’m not going to describe how you can detect it in yourself because you sure as hell know if you are lying or not. Lying can be very destructive to personal integrity, especially if you are repeatedly lying to DHV and appear more interesting. I have seen how this has become a habit in some, and it is the kind of habit that has the potential to destroy your life.


2 Bragging

Ok, you bought a new Mitsubishi Evolution [Editor: Extremely agile 300 horsepower road rally car], rented a penthouse or just got a hefty pay rise. Let’s assume that you bought the car because you thought it was awesome, but you realize that it has bragging potential. It is ok to brag, but it has to be done with style.

Generally speaking you should not be the one to bring up your status symbols, let the girl find out that you got an amazing car, no need to tell her. If she happens to start talking about fast cars, then of course you can go ahead but don’t try to impress her.

Keep in mind that bragging does not limit itself to status symbols, name dropping, or bragging about famous people you know or have met is often nothing more than a poorly disguised attempt to seem important, especially if that person is only "a friend of a friend".


3 Buying Friends

In the above example, if you actually bought that Mitsubishi Evo with the purpose of impressing chicks and talking about your fantastic car then you are in trouble. Some rich people will hoard things, I have seen this many times even in guys that are not particularly rich, they will collect all sorts of status symbols and gadgets in the belief or hope that it will improve their chances with the other sex and their popularity in general.

It may do so, but the chicks they will attract are mainly the gold diggers, and they are moving into negative feedback loops, Validation Seeking Patterns where their success becomes linked with material wealth. These are the guys that will completely deflate if their wealth suddenly disappears.

This sin also includes the classic AFC traits of buying drinks and expensive gifts.


4 Self Consciousness

a) If you dance in a club, do you hold back because other people "are looking"?

b) If you are walking down the street and pass by a street musician that cannot sing or a performance artist that is really weird, will you feel embarrassed?

c) Do you suffer from significant approach anxiety?

d) If you go to a show, say a standup comedian, do you sit in the back rows because you are afraid that the comedian will point his finger at you or ask you up on stage?

e) Do you have one or more inferiority complexes?

If you answer yes to one or more of these questions it may indicate the presence of Validation Seeking. You have to ask yourself why you feel that particular way, why do you feel embarrassed on behalf of the street musician? You don’t know that guy and frankly you shouldn’t be giving a shit if he is totally out of tune.

Maybe the reason that you feel embarrassed is because you picture yourself in his place and you imagine how others would laugh at you and think that you are a complete loser?


5 Supplication (Qualifying)

a) When you make a statement (or start a thread on this forum) are you worried what other people will say?

b) Will you, in your writing or talking, be very particular in what you say or do, often thinking things through, to avoid offending someone else or getting negative feedback?

c) When interacting with others will you seek frequent eye contact to constantly check the response of the other person, to make sure that person is not offended?

d) Will you avoid making decisions that may hurt others or will you avoid putting yourself in a position (higher responsibility in a company), where you will risk having to hurt others (fire people)?

This sin has been covered in great detail and succumbing to this sin is often referred to as Qualifying yourself to others. Many people will do this their entire lives without ever realizing what they are doing.

It is a very mainstream pattern that divides the alphas from the betas. It is also a very powerful tool in PU and social dynamics in general when used on people that don’t realize what is going on.


6 Outcome Dependency

a) If you are blown out of a set, do you feel anger?

b) Do you measure your success in terms of collected phone numbers or lays and don’t pay much attention to the process involved?

c) Do you count your lays?

d) Did you look for information about the criteria that others believe you should fulfill to call yourself a PUA and does this title mean a lot to you?

Ok, I realize that we all do things to get an outcome, but it’s important to keep in mind that outcome dependency is a bit different. Imagine the following, you realize that being a PUA is really cool and being cool is important to you (validation seeking pattern), so you decide to study PU partly for this reason, obviously you want pussy as well.

Before you start out you already got a clear picture in your mind that you need to become a PUA, this will make you cool, but at the same time you will build significant expectations and you may even start bragging about your plans, selling the bear before it has been shot.

The more you build up expectations the more dependent you become on the outcome, now you have to succeed or else you will fall flat on your face and look like a fool.


7 Neediness

a) If a chick or friend doesn't call or text you for an extended period of time, do you get uncomfortable?

b) Are you frequently checking your hand phone, email or some forum for feedback to your input, getting excited when someone gives that feedback or will you send a message, write an email, start a thread, write a blog or whatever with no other purpose than getting a reaction from others?

c) If you can get away with it (the boss is out of office), do you spend time on MySpace, a forum or emailing/texting instead of doing the job that you are actually paid to do?

Neediness is also linked to the feeling of loneliness. These patterns can be very hard to destroy because they are things that you may be doing many times every day, say access a forum… ahem. In the course of a year you will literally have repeated the pattern hundreds or even thousands of times and it becomes a social habit that is not unlike smoking, going to the toilet or having lunch, it simply becomes part of your daily routine without you even noticing.

FV

Subject: Re: The Seven Cardinal Sins of Validation Seeking

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This is exactly what I am working on at the moment. Like you, I did not understand it at first, but am coming to realize that it is a super important aspect of game, in all parts of my life.

Where a year ago, I was rating my performance in my interactions by the quality of eye contact, now my focus has become stamping out validation seeking.

Cars are a huge area of focus of mine right now because of the big part they have always played in my fantasies. I am realizing that many of my car fantasies are not; if I had a 911, it would be so cool to drive it, to feel it alive in my hands, the rush of acceleration, experiencing killer brakes, etc, but rather how I'd look driving it, how cool my friends would think it was and therefore me for owning it, or how impressed chicks would be with it. ie Validation fantasy.

If people start to look at their fantasies, I bet most will find themselves doing that with most expensive consumer products.

You have to reset your mind so the reason you want a car is because you actually want to drive it every day for years. Where what would be cool is your experience owning it. That you want it because it is the best choice for what it is you need a car for.

This holds true for almost everything in your life. Once you start the process of examining your actions and fantasies, you will find tons of validation seeking behavior to stamp out.

I am convinced that addressing my fantasies is the best place to start. They are a major aspect of inner game. I have to clean out all the harmful crap that is in my brain before I can refill it with better more useful stuff.

BTW: Great list of things to work on.

Silver

Subject: Re: The Seven Sins of Validation Seeking

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Thanks guys,

it's funny, but usually when I make a "big realization" and feel more enlightened it is a result of temporary euphoria that wears off very quickly, meaning that it wasn’t a big realization at all.

With this shit, it feels a bit different; the best way to describe it is that I feel more relaxed, less anxious. I also feel less envy, more focused and less tempted to daydream.

Silvertree has an interesting point about daydreaming, in his case he was dreaming about owning a Porsche 911. My daydreams has very often focused around imagining situations in which I would be appreciated in various ways; for my intellect, some extraordinary skills or for something fantastic that I did, all of this is strong validation seeking patterns, imagining myself in a position where I would receive massive validation.

Regarding the Envy it specifically relates to my new flat that I’m renting in downtown. When I just got it I wasn’t really happy with it, but now it’s more ok. When I was looking for the flat I viewed many, also some that looked considerably nicer but I ended up rejecting them for various reasons.

Instead of appreciating the flat that I chose (which actually is in an awesome location), I was always thinking about the flats that I did not get, envying the guys living in those places and being very unsure if I did the right thing.

Now I don’t really care so much about that anymore. It may sound a bit far fetched but somehow it seems that my uncomfortable feeling about the new flat was linked to a fear that others would judge me and accuse me of making the wrong choice. This can be linked directly to the fourth sin, Self Consciousness, I was afraid that others would be making fun of me. It sounds stupid, I know, but I can feel that there is something very true about this.

I didn’t actively work on the “not happy with apartment” issue at all but the realization of the “seven sins” has somehow partially destroyed some underlying mechanisms that governed those bad feelings as well. It’s a very welcomed bonus.

FV
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The rules of the game matter alot. Until they don't matter at all. There is no one way to PU - Razorjack

I just had to post this to remind myself and others..

The rules of the game matter alot.
Until they don't matter at all.

There is no one way to PU.
--- Razorjack

Thoughts on Eye Contact - A post on MASF

http://www.fastseduction.com/masf/8/331531/

topic: Thoughts on Eye Contact (EC) (1 of 3)
board: General
from: DocJohnson / profile / recent posts by DocJohnson
(first login: January, 30, 2005 11:59 PM)
date: Friday, June 23, 2006 12:41 AM
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I just posted this at my lair as a reply to an earlier post. I would like some feedback and constructive criticism on this from those who are better at PU than I am:

"A few of my personal insights on eye contact (EC), which I believe is probably the most under-rated skills in PU:

- Many years ago I learned somewhere (on TV or at some communication seminar or something), that most people feel uncomfortable giving much EC. A great trick that makes it easy to give EC, esp. when you're starting out, is to look directly at the spot between the eyes at the top of the bridge of the nose. It avoids the discomfort of looking straight in the eye, it tricks the other person into thinking that you are maintaining good EC, and it comes across as a very confident, strong, non-creepy form of EC. Try it, even with your wingman and see what I mean.

- The way your EC comes across to the one receiving has a lot to do with your frame of mind. When you give someone else good EC, you actually project your attitude into them. If you are nervous or scared, they will feel nervous and creeped out. The attitudes I try to maintain are either relaxed contentment, a "you are already mine" confidence, or a seething passionate lust that is barely restrained. In fact, I can honestly say that good EC is, far and away, my most common opener. If I make good EC with a HB, she will either approach me, or position herself near me, so that I'll open her. If she does the latter, I'll then bust on her for being so lame in her attempt to play hard to get. By then, it's over.

- This kind of EC is also a great way to escalate. A very passionate intense sensuality can be communicated during conversational dead space that women find extremely attractive. Eventually, she will become so aroused or uncomfortable or wet by it, that she'll inevitably say "What?". When she does, don't say a word. Just give her a smile and a squint that says "You know what".

- Women consciously or unconsciously use EC to demonstrate interest. I have had hundreds of instances when there was a woman right there in proximity who I knew was purposely avoiding EC with me, for fear of making me think she was interested. Those ones are harder for me to approach, because I feel I am already at a disadvantage. They are still often approachable.

- One of the scenes I have seen recently showing the power of good EC in PU was in the movie "Alfie". Jude Law is at a bar, and these two women next to him at the bar are commenting on the "Eurotrash" in the area, referring to him. He acts completely oblivious, gives both excellent EC and a very genuine pleasant smile, and wins them in an instant - he passed their bitch test.

- This hasn't happened often enough, but when it has, it has been flawless: If a HB maintains strong EC with me for an extended period, basically the PU is over, without exchanging any words. That has only happened one or two dozen times in my life, but when it has, it has really worked well.

- Good EC can be learned, is very easy to practice, usually produces measurable results fairly quickly, and works well for lots of things besides PU.

If you try any of this stuff out, let me know how it goes."

PUA - Where is the Artist? Where is the Art? All I see is numbered coloring books & copycats.

I was commenting on the post titled "The Hunt" by Cristina who is one of Tynans Angels. Ty.. as he's more commonly known among the close brotherhood in Austin was the famous infamous Herbal..

This is what I commented and then I had a few follow on thoughts I wanted to capture.. Some thoughts I had before the GAME came into my life like a whirlwind..

Let me put it this way. Its not about guys hitting on girls for sex & girls hating them for just doing that.

Look at it this way.. Guys & Girls both want to have sex. The thing is.. what if we were a HEDONISTIC society. SEX was a free for all like shaking hands and not looked down upon.

THEN what would people be craving? Then they would get bored of sex and be craving something else that would make them feel GOOD. GOOD ENERGY, POSITIVE ENERGY from other things.. drinking, dancing, teasing etc.

Thats what we as HUMAN BEINGS.. feed on. Good energy.

When ANYONE goes out with the intent of having a fun night they want this POSITIVE ENERGY.. by themselves (alone), with their friends and those times when you bump into FUN people.

There are times when a girl would go out with the intent of dressing down & not talking to anyone.. and she sees this Smart Fun guy with a great ENERGY (it is ENERGY PLAY AFTER ALL) (whether or not he is surrounded by Fraternity AFCs or Lotsa HBs is a separate issue).

The question is DOES THAT ENERGY DRAW HER IN? The same happens when I go out.. with the intent to have fun.. FUN PERIOD. If there is a group of guys or girls or both who are having a good time.. and I FEEL THEIR ENERGY.. It draws me in.. and if they feel mine.. it draws them in. Its about ENERGY PLAY.

As Juggeler & SocialHitchiker say.. Dont value people on their outer shields.. peer inside to know who they are. But, if you dont bring in a POSITIVE VIBE to begin with.. well in the ancient times.. you would get pelted with stones.

PEOPLE RESPOND TO YOUR ENERGY & VIBE. Guys, Girls, Old people, TSA Employees at the Airport (Did I say on an average when I travel from Source Taxi to Destination Taxi I’ll push positive energy into atleast 5-10 people..).

Life is mundane when you look at it as ROUTINE. You can make anything and everything POSITIVE.. and ENERGIZED if you really looked at it more CREATIVELY. Get out of your head.. and think like CALIVIN (CALVIN & HOBBES).

Thats my philosophy.

(Damn.. that was good.. Maybe I should post this on my blog & start a workshop for side income.. LOL!. Nah.. I dont have the time.. maybe some day)

I would look at it this way..

WHAT IF SEX WAS A GIVEN? WHAT IF YOU ALREADY HAD SEX? What would you want next.. What would you want with your partner (long term, short term or ONS)?

You would love to share great ENERGY.. positive energy. This can be a non-proportional mix of fun, shared humour, chemistry, charming conversations, deep / wide conversations / rapport, some teasing, some playground antics, or a deep conversation on spirituality & meditation etc.. Share the love of food, some exotic beach, whatever.. or a quaint little coffeshop or bookstore.

That is KEY. Sex is a biological filler.. (Which is a lot of fun.. which adds "substances" into your body & mind.. I forget what its called.. Seratonin, dopamine..) and allows people to CONNECT more.. since that is when you are VERY VERY naked.. and OPEN.. not just physically but emotionally, mentally & spiritually..

They are all facilitators & indicators of LIFE - Not one of existance.

If all the people understood this.. it would be amazing. If I could teach that to all the potential 'genetically' good looking / women in my life.. that would be so fulfilling. But, not everyone tries to go there.

...

That is the ART. Art of bringing positive energy (physical, mental, emtional, spiritual) into the people you interact with.

An artist is someone who experiments and enjoys the ART.. is not bound by stencils.. its for the love of the art, the creative process & juices.. the love of the subject (the target) and the shared energy & feeling of that instance of art..

In today's PUA world.. I dont see a lot of ARTISTS. I see a lot of COPYCATS. I see a lot of so called established artists that make an abandon a painting for the sake of a sale. They are stuck to their stencils...

That is not an ARTIST. Be an artist not a copy cat.

the kino manual

Gandolf posted this on the India Lair.

From: Gandolf - view profile
Date: Tues, Oct 3 2006 11:46 pm
Email: "Gandolf"
Rating: (1 user)
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Gentlemen - this is the best thing I have ever read on kino. It's from John Alanis.
Read this again and again. Develop the correct mindset.

""Magic Touch Secrets: How To Create Immediate, Irresistible Attraction In Stunningly Beautiful Women With a Simple Gesture." "

In this report, I'm going to talk about the most important part of attraction-- actual, physical touch. Attraction cannot exist for long without some form of touch... indeed, attraction leads to the most intimate of touching, which can create even more attraction.

But, as you may have experienced, the wrong kind of touch applied at the wrong time can kill any attraction. You have to know when to touch a woman, how to touch her, and where to touch her, otherwise your touch (or the "busting of a move," as some guys call it), will get you nothing but a slap in the face, not the kind of touch you're looking for.

First off, understand this: women LIKE to be touched by men. They enjoy it. They crave it. They don't like men who are afraid to touch them. They like men who touch them the right way at the right time-- and that's what I'm going to reveal to you in this report.

There's one other thing I want to mention before we really get started, and this is one of the most powerful things you will ever learn about attraction: while women touch men they are already attracted to, touching a woman the right way can actually create attraction where there was none before. This "reverse engineering" of attraction is something very few men understand-- but it can give you an incredible leg up on any competition, AND can turn a "friend" into a hot lover, or even a long term relationship. I'll talk about this more at the end of this report, but I want you to be aware it from the get-go because it is one of the most powerful attraction-creation secrets I've discovered.

Women and men experience attraction differently. As men, it doesn't take much to turn us on-- we see a beautiful woman (or for some guys, any woman), and we're attracted, we're ready to go. For us, attraction is an "on/off" switch, and it doesn't take too much pressure to flip that switch. If a woman comes up to us, hugs us, grabs our butt, and then grabs our crotch, we think to ourselves, "hey, this is great... there should be more women like this in the world!"

But... if we were to do the same thing to a woman (unless we're already in an intimate relationship with her), we're probably going to get a visit from the law. Women don't experience attraction as we do... for them, it's much more like a volume knob (that needs to be turned up s-lo-w-l-y with gentle tension) than a switch. BUT, they eventually get to the same amount of excitement and arousal as we do, just in a different way.

Women love anticipation, and women love teasing, especially when it comes to touch. As guys, we just want to get down to business, and don't see the purpose of anticipation. That's where most guys go wrong with touching women-- they presume women respond the same way to touch that they do, make a sudden "move" and then wonder why she responds badly. Think of it this way: if you turn the volume knob on a stereo up too fast, you'll blow the speakers.

But, if you turn it up slowly, you can crank them pretty high-- and that's the way you should think about touching a woman. Even better, if you turn up the volume, then turn it down, then turn it back up a little higher, then down, then higher, etc., you'll get to where the music is playing loud and everyone's happy. That's the BEST way to think about touching a woman!

So, keeping all that in mind, how do you get started touching? The first thing to keep in mind is to avoid anything sudden or threatening. If you meet a woman for the first time, and then grab her butt (unless you are a real master of seduction like my friend Chet R.), she's probably going to feel threatened, and any initial attraction is going to be killed.

• If I meet a woman for the very first time, I do well by shaking her hand, looking her in the eye, smiling my "naughty boy smile," and then holding onto her hand for longer than any "friend" would. This immediately lets her know that I'm a guy who "understands attraction"-- most guys quickly let her hand go, and avoid eye contact, I hold onto it much longer.
  
  
• What I'll often do is shift her hand, so I'm holding her fingers in mine, just underneath the knuckle, while continuing to smile my naughty boy smile, maintain eye contact, and let her know that yes, this is indeed about attraction. Women LOVE this because it shows you're a confident guy who's not afraid to let her know, via touch, that attraction is present.
  
  
• Every meeting after that I always greet her by giving her a big hug, just like she's a long lost girlfriend (or a current one), then move my hands to her waist, just above her hips. Most guys don't touch a woman like this-- it builds sexual tension (a good thing with women), without overtly grabbing her butt, which is threatening (until you've been intimate with her). Also, touching a woman with both hands just above her waist brings back sexual memories, and at times, memories of orgasms gone by. Why? Because when she's on top, most guys will hold her by her waist, creating an "anchor" that can be "fired off," simply by recreating the touch.
  
  This is a big secret because, all of a sudden, she's thinking very sexual thoughts, and experiencing very sexual feelings in your presence, even you though you're not technically touching her in an overtly sexual place.
  
  
• Many times I will gently and rhythmically squeeze her, heightening the feelings. She links the feelings to you, and categorizes you as a man who creates attraction for her-- a good category to be in.
  
  When I sit down to talk to a woman for the first time (after I've shaken her hand or hugged her), I want to begin to build anticipation via touch-- teasing touch. Remember though, I want to turn up the volume gently, not flip a switch, so I start with the most unobtrusive, most fleeting touch, and then ramp up from there. That way there's no "sudden move" (like trying to french kiss her out of the blue) that gets me classified as a loser.

You never want to make a move, just turn up the volume, so that each touch seems a natural extension of the previous one.

This takes advantage of an extremely powerful psychological principle called, "commitment and consistency." Essentially what it says is, if you can get someone to take a smaller action, you can get them to take a bigger action they otherwise wouldn't have taken.

For example, it's very difficult to get someone to put a big, ugly sign in their yard saying they support "public safety." It is however, very easy to get someone to put a tiny sticker in their window saying the same thing-- where it gets interesting is when you go back to the people who agreed to put sticker in their window and ask them to put up the yard sign. On average 80% of them will say yes, who would have said "no way," had they not made the commitment of putting up the sticker.

The "gap" can get even wider though-- if you get people to simply sign a petition stating they support public safety, then ask them to put up the ugly yard sign, 80% of them will do it. Once people make a commitment, they tend to act consistent with that commitment, no matter how small it is.

So... the same thing applies to women and touch. When you start with a tiny, non-threatening touch, she has made a commitment to respond favorably to your touch, and will now act consistent with her new set of beliefs (yes, commitment and consistency is a way to change belief systems-- it's very powerful stuff, and you can read more about it in Robert B. Cialdini's "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion," which you can get at Amazon for about $20.00), and respond favorably to more intimate touching. You still have to "ramp it up," but you can do so quickly and easily.

Commitment and consistency is the reason why "busting a move" usually fails miserably-- there is no prior commitment to your touch... you're asking her to put the yard sign up without signing the petition. Get her to "sign the petition," "put up the window sticker," "put up a small sign," THEN put up the big sign. Turn up the volume, don't flip the switch.

Now, you might be asking yourself, "isn't this a bit underhanded?"

The answer is NO-- this is how women WANT to be touched... they love being with a man who truly knows how to build anticipation, who knows how to slowly turn her on. Understanding this secret will get you known amongst the female world as a man who "understands women," as opposed to the "move buster" who's known as a loser.

Onward.

1. The unobtrusive touch I like to start with is either a brief squeezing of her shoulder, or a light finger tip touch on the wrist, that I quickly move away, in a teasing manner.
   
   I wait until she's laughing to touch her for the first time so she associates my touch with good feelings (this is called "anchoring" if you want the technical term). Again, it's a brief, teasing touch--
   
   I don't hold on.
   
   
2. The next time I touch her, it's in the same place, but I squeeze her shoulder briefly, or I lightly press her wrist with my fingertips, holding my touch a bit longer than the first time.
   I always look her in the eye and smile my "naughty boy smile" when I do this-- I'm very overt, letting her know that "yes, I am a man who's creating attraction for you, and I want you to know it."
   
   A lot of guys make the mistake of trying to be "covert" or "undercover"-- this can backfire because oftentimes the woman will interpret it as "lack of confidence," something that can kill attraction instantly. Women like a man who's confident enough to "turn up their volume" and let them know it.
   
   Don't be covert or sneaky-- be out in the open, and keep it in the spirit of fun and playfulness.
   
   
3. The next step is to increase the level of touch. If she's responding well to my touch (and I rarely meet a woman who doesn't), then I want to move to holding her hand, an obvious sign that this about attraction. How do I know when she's responding well to my touch? It's pretty easy, actually-- she's laughing, and smiling, and she's still engaged with me. Also, if she returns my touch and starts touching me the same way (and oftentimes she will), this is a major signal she's attracted.
   
   What I'll do next is take her hand and comment on one of her rings, or a bracelet. I'll ask her for the story behind it, while I keep holding her hand. I'll then start massaging her hand gently, again, increasing the "volume" of my touch. If she doesn't have a ring, I'll take her hand, and say, "oooh, you've got warm hands," OR "ooo, your hands are cold, let's warm them up." Either way I'm holding her hand, and slowly turning up the volume. Keep in mind this all started with a slight touch. How long does it usually take before I'm massaging her hand? Twenty minutes or so, depending on how she responds to my initial touch-- it happens pretty fast.
   
   
4. If I'm attracted to her, then I get a commitment for the next meeting, or simply invite her to come hang out at my place for a bit. When we part ways, I hug her (making sure to squeeze her waist), kiss her on the cheek, kiss her lips, pull away, then give her a full kiss, pulling away before she's done-- remember, I want to keep teasing her. Most guys let her break away first-- wrong answer. Make sure you do it first. After you've kissed her, you have permission to kiss her any time you've seen her, or whenever she comes over. We now have a physical relationship, not just the chance of one, and attraction is obviously present-- look at all the touching we've done!
   

Like I said in the beginning, you can "reverse engineer" attraction using "teasing touch." If you have a friend you'd like to have as a lover, even as a girlfriend, then the thing to do is start touching her unobtrusively whenever she's laughing. A quick squeeze on the shoulder, with you pulling away can do wonders for attraction. What you want to make sure to do is to be sure YOU'RE the one teasing, YOU'RE the one pulling away first, YOU'RE the one saying, "oh no, we're just friends."

This playful teasing touch builds all kinds of wonderful anticipation that only a guy she's attracted to can build. Soon enough you'll find yourself doing all kinds of wicked things with her, and you'll hear the magic words, "I never thought of him in 'that way,' but it just happened." Yeah-- what happened was, you created attraction that wasn't present before. You'll know you did it right when you hear those words: "it just happened." The translation is, "I was so attracted, I couldn't help myself!" A better translation is, "I was so attracted I didn't want to help myself."

OK guys, that's it for this report. Print it out and re-read it over and over again. While the information in here is brief, it's some of the most powerful "attraction secrets" you'll ever put to use. You'll never have to "bust a move" again... just turn up the volume (or for you Metal Heads who remember, "Autograph," just Turn Up the Radio!).

A LR from Mega - Making it easy

I met Mega in Ibiza. It was interesting how Gung Ho he was irrespective. Here's a no nonsense, simple, LR.. where he leads.. in the right way.

LR: Let's make it easy
« on: July 31, 2006, 06:29:25 PM »

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I had a great Saturday. Woke up with my ex HB8.5 IMO and fc'd a day 2 HB7. Then hung out with Beckster and AdamLondon at Cafe de Paris.

Here's how it went down...

A while back I realised that my game is quite alright but there's something that was holding me back. It was the kind of feeling that you've got all the pieces of the puzzle, you've made the border but you just can't get those bastards in the middle.

So with all the talk of natural game and chilling out, I decided to chill the f*ck out and get laid.

The scene was Hed Kandi night at Pascha with Bull Boy, Cardenas, Juan and Cigar.

We all hung out in the smaller room. The aim being to have some fun, harrass (PLAYFULY!) as many girls as possible and build social proof. If you ever go fishing it's a bit like throwing out burley and seeing which fish bite. From my experience the main room in a club is not ideal for this and most girls are too mashed up/ over stimulated for any rapport building.

Day 1:

It was about 1am when I realised it was time to act. A cute HB7 in a little skirt was sitting by herself on the couches at the side of the room.

I look her up and down quite obviously, then approach... "I like salad, my favourite is Greek salad, it must be all that olive oil..." (Cheers Rich)

At this point, her sister who was off to the side with bf was about to eject her but target brushed her off. IOI.

Anyway, we chat about nonsense, I tease her a bit, chat to her sister and bf. At one stage HB7 asks me for a drink. I tell that I'll get her one if she gets me one. Eventually her sister gets me a beer. Sorted.

I get her to dance... There's a point where she sits down for a bit and chats with Cigar. They chat for a while and I continue opening.

I might have fucked this bit up, but following the 1 in the hand principal, I knew that I didn't want to stay in set for too long. This took a lot of self control... especially since I was sarging a fucking smoking HB9 scottish bleached blonde with dark eye makeup and hot pants.

At one point I noticed Cigar was out of set, so I grabbed HB7, mini-isolated and kc'd. Too easy. Rapport, number close, more rapport, another venue change and I ejected home. Key thing here is that I have no fear of kc'ing these days and can usually pull it off naturally.

Could have hooked up a tall black tranny at the bus stop but decided against it. Please forgive me.

One phone call to chat. I work in Mayfair 10mins from Pic circus tube. I always use this time to call someone.

Some text game courtesy of Bull Boy. This is the one bit that actually took some effort. Thanks champ.

Day 2:

Meet on Putney bridge, kiss and kino. We have a few drinks/ mini lunch at the Boathouse (I paid... fucking lazy of me, but I couldn't be arsed getting out of it).

Was too long in the boat house (2 hours) and sat myself in a bad position so couldn't kino enough. Started to feel energy drop so I hurried her out and took aim towards my house.

KC'd again in Bishops Park, slapped her arse, told her we're going to my local for a game of pool.
HB: You just want to get me to your house.
Mega: You know me too well. (Agree to shit tests)

Caught the bus. At the destination...
Mega: Change of plans, we're having a bottle of wine in my garden. On you. (Lead and get her to invest)
HB: Ok.

My house. Cursery drink in the garden.
Mega: Come I'll give you a tour of the house.
HB: -Raised eye brow-
Mega: I grab her and lead.

... No LMR. FC

Then I watch a DVD. Girl next door, good pickup tips. Plus some nudity, which got me in the mood...

FC again.

Get a call from Bull Boy while I'm shagging. That's the second time. Third time I get a bottle of champaigne.

Tell her I'm leaving for dinner, have a shower and eject.

Lessons:

Chat
Kino
Killer instinct

Mega

Women: Truth and authenticity

Rollo Tomassi (from SoSuave.net, the DJ forums) comments on the truth factor of the social game between men and women.

If any guys ever feel guilty for lying or embelising then they need to read this and re-figure the "facade" that women put up as well and not have to have moral bindings in that respect.

We're all as 'authentic' as our conditions permit.

Is a woman who spends an hour on her make up 'authentic'? Is the woman with a wonder bra on being genuine? How about a woman with implants, Ms. Clairol hair, who tans at the salon?

It's easy for guys to take some moral high-ground in this respect, but we'd still get a hard-on if we saw her in a club or in a bikini at the beach.

Do we really even want authenticity?
We sell them a fantasy, they sell us a fantasy.

If anything men are the more honest in all of it since our stories have to stand up to scrutiny -

We're socialized to expect and accept that women are to be more than they are, and when they let down their hair, it's "the inside that counts, right?"

Men have to back up their story with action and proof in the long term - women can get away with letting their roots show.

And what's authentic anyway?

What was 'real' for me at 28 isn't who I am at 38 - hell, even 32. Personality isn't static, we change it as our conditions warrant.

How Are Your Fundamentals? - Woodhaven

A post on fundamentals by Woodhaven.

Date Posted: 2005/09/27 10:33:00 PM EDT
Author: Woodhaven
Subject: How Are Your Fundamentals?

Hey guys.

This discussion board is a great place, I've learned most everything I know here. It's nice to be back. ;)

I see a lot of new guys here, that's cool.

I also see a lot of 'discussion in the clouds'.

I also see this in our programs. People who think they're advanced, but not. "Shit. I've been reading ASF for 3 years now, I'm advanced!"

...But with no field experience, no fundamentals, and no patience to learn the critical elements that could DRAMATICALLY improve their results.

It's a tremendous blow to the ego, I understand, guys. But if you want to get good, you have to pay your dues.

I see so many guys who want to build a skyscraper of advanced routines, without the necessary fundamentals. They want to build their skyscraper on a mountain of fluff!

They are too attached to their ego and current identity to make real progress.

Drop your ego, guys. It's great that you want to be this great pick up artist overnight, and if you ask me I can tell you all the advanced concepts in the world, all the lines and routines Dimitri and I actually say to our girls...

But slow down. Get disciplined, be patient and take it easy. Put your faith in us and drop the act. I can turn you into a superstar if you're willing to take a good look at yourself and do the work.

I won't promise you the the world overnight. It's real easy to overhype this type of thing. That just makes people unhappy though...

There are many guys on here living in the illusion that they are a 'PUA'. "Cool, I know all these great techniques and routines. I'm a 'Pick up Artist'".

Enjoy living your fantasy. Keep telling yourself that, we're real proud of you!

But if you lack field-tested fundamentals, and you crave nothing but more and more 'advanced techniques'...


Then I hate to break it to you, but YOU'RE NOT ADVANCED.

No one, not even the best guys I've met, are above the fundamentals. They have them internalized, for sure, but are not above them.

Meeting Mystery and Sin this summer was eye opening - to say the least! Not because their game is 'indirect' and a completely different style... blah blah blah

It was eye opening because of what we shared in COMMON. That's what floored me. Seeing the exact same fundamentals. The only difference was the icing on the cake!

Critical fundamentals many guys are lacking:

Spontaneity, and having your 'filler' actions congruent with the level of
techniques you are using.

Persistence, and the ability to stay in set, holding firmly an assumption of
attraction. Lack of attachment and fear.

Having relaxed and calm bodylanguage / facial expressions, as opposed to
overly fake and insincere movements. Standing up straight, and not trying too
hard to control or animate your bodylanguage.

Holding eye contact, projecting a tonality that is loud and crisp.

Situational relevance, and knowing when to introduce certain topics of conversation or routines.

Rewarding good behavior, punishing bad behavior.

And finally: a desire to keep learning and make progress as a continual
student of the game.

Woodhaven